What is it that I want, what am I looking for? Is it just to fulfill a carnal desire, to get off, to just fulfill a fantasy? No. If it was the case, if that's honestly all I was interested in and wanted, then I would just call a phone a mommy. I mean, that is what they're there for, fulfilling your fantasies over the phone. But no, what I want is much more than just a fetish, or grab bag of fetishes.
I want a good connection. I want to be able to find someone that I mesh with nicely in MORE than just fetish/fantasy. I'm talking every day life. I want someone who could basically be my best friend. Someone I can just sit and spend hours around either talking or in complete silence and be content with. Someone that I can trust fully heart body soul, and that can likewise trust me in the same. Someone I can care for and be cared for by, and that's not just in an AB sense. I don't mean someone that will mommy me, though I wouldn't mind it. No I mean someone that can help me. I have health issues, and it would be nice to have someone that could help watch over me a little. Again, not talking about I want a dominating direct every move person. No just someone to where when I'm in trouble, they know what to do. I have a panic attack, they bring me down, I get sick, they help ease the pain. Obviously, I want to be able to do the same for them. They get sick, I take care of them until they're better however I can to make them happy or ease their suffering.......okay that last bit kinda sounds morbid, so not in THAT sense.
I want someone I can laugh and play with, someone I can confide in, someone that knows there's a difference between play time and serious time. someone that we can agree on mutual lines, and agree on well, a lot of stuff and be happy with one another. Like I said, someone who would basically be like my best friend. Share our ups, our downs, highs and lows, side to side, left leg in left leg out shake it all about. But yeah, that's what I want. That's what I crave more than just some fling. I want something that's lasting, something that will have meaning to us. *shrugs*
also, right now, I want my stomach to stop hurting....