I'm going to try being social again. Been on a journey this past year trying to figure out who I am and what I want to be and I'm far from done with it but I believe I'm ready to talk with others about it. Still going to take me a while to be ready to just accept random messages from strangers but some day soon I hope to have friends in this community.
I've effectively given up on socializing in the abdl space, nothing wrong with the people in it, it's entirely just the fear of being intimidating or winding up meeting someone who turns out to be a creep, or really manipulative if i wind up in a relationship, or they're only meeting up to try and expose some stranger in public. I really need to find some sort of councilor or therapist to talk about these fears.
Also i might need advice on how to properly talk to people in the community, i feel really bad about ghosting people but i always wind up hitting a brick wall when it comes to meeting people online. I really want to meet people in real life and i know my best avenue for doing so is to talk to people online and meetup in a public space like a cafe but it's like, i don't know what to say or how to react to things and i freeze, then i come back later and now it feels too awkward to say anything.
While i'm between jobs i might as well post to my wall. A hurricane is going to hit by tonight so i decided to use this as some time to get padded. Planning on having a bit of fun with it by taking an enema, someone in a discord server i'm in got worried when i talked about my hurricane plans and i had to explain how Florida is with hurricanes and whatnot.
Talked with someone about my thoughts on trying to appear more feminine. I decided not to go through all that, the conversation boiled down to "If you're proud and happy with who you are now then why should you gamble on doing something that might not work out and just concern your friends." I'm happy with being a manly man even if i do some girly things in my home. If anything that just makes me more of a man.
Not sure if it's guilt, shame, poor social skills or just not being used to having people to talk to about all this. It's a struggle to get into the habit of discussing things that are so private with strangers even if that's our shared interest.
Thanks Aizabb.
I understand completely
Something I really need to work out is how I socialize with other abdls. I tend to ghost people I get along well with and by the time I realize what I did it's too awkward to go back.
I've also thought about working out more to have a more feminine physique rather than just to get myself moving. I'm proud of what I am and comfortable with how I feel but I'm not sure if I'd be more proud if I work towards that instead. Might find a femboy to talk to about those thoughts and if it's something I should work towards.
I've thought about looking for a boyfriend a lot more than usual. Still not sure if I'm in the right headspace for a relationship because there's too much I have to work through with myself before I become someone else's problem. It feels good to get these thoughts out of my head.
Update: My pamps are so full right now..... I just sorta felt grumbling for about two hours and it just hit out of nowhere. I couldn't stop it, it was just too much.
My legs feel pretty weak but i don't wanna mush all this against my butt, i don't know if it will feel gross or not.
Another post to my wall! I decided to take some magnesium citrate tonight and i can already feel it. I'm honestly pretty scared because i might have to go at any moment. Doesn't help that all my other attempts at messing myself have just lead to me feeling gross so i'm really hoping it feels good this time. Place is going to stink really bad for sure though...
I bought a maid outfit, thigh high socks and arm warmers with little cat paw pads on the palms and bottom of foot. Actually had fun cleaning up my place wearing all of it with a diaper and got it knocked out pretty quick so i've gotten to just lay around for the rest of the afternoon.
Very productive, funnily kinky day today. Happy i got my mitts on all this stuff.
(P3 of wall post)
Also it's very nice to just have a wall to post stuff like this for people to read, get it off my chest even if nobody cares to read it. If you have things to get off your chest it's always nice to just write down your thoughts or post them onto a website somewhere. That is all.
(P2 of wall post)
I also found out that i absolutely looovvveeee the bunnyhopps diapers. I just kinda decided on a whim to get something with prints and decided to get something that looked kinda girly, was in a very pink mood when i ordered them. Turns out they hold alot of pee without having to do much yoga and i was able to go for a full day before i realized i had to change.
(P1 of wall post)
Was about to type something here and completely forgot to update my profile for the past couple months.. Oops...
Anyways i bought a maid dress, thigh highs and arm warmers with little cat paw pads on the bottoms and palms. Hopefully this makes cleaning more fun.
